Hooked from the very first hit, a rush of dizziness that cannot be compared to anything else in the world—crystal meth was my new love. I like to compare it to that because you know when you are in a new relationship, and you just can’t get enough of each other. You yearn for that person and can’t wait to see them and to hold them in your arms. That is what it is like when you start smoking meth. Nothing else matters, not eating or sleeping, or even showering for that matter. Crystal meth addiction is a full-time job since it consumes every fiber of who you are and dictates what you become. I’m indebted to Great Oaks recovery center for their great help for my recovery.
The journey varies for most, but it is certain that eventually, you will not be able to stand the sight of yourself. A mirror will become your worst enemy. Your body will deteriorate, and you will have no life left in your body, and you will have lost your soul. Of course, what is to be expected of a chemical hodgepodge that is cooked up with lithium, cold tablets, alcohol, fertilizer, and ammonia?
One day you just have to decide if you want to die or get better. It is not an easy choice by any means, and it usually doesn’t happen right away. I died twice before I decided to get better. I overdosed on crystal meth and, at first, didn’t even know it. By this time, I was covered in acne from the meth that was actually like open sores. I was constantly picking at my skin, so there were open sores all over me. I was a hot mess.
I wasn’t even able to try and hide my addiction to crystal meth any longer. My jaw was sunken in, my body was frail, and I couldn’t remember the last time I ate anything. I had about three teeth left in my mouth that weren’t broken off. I couldn’t even stand myself anymore. That was when I decided to get help, or I would just have to lie down and die.
I ended up in detox for about two weeks, and then I went to treatment. While I was there, I got some cognitive behavioral therapy, therapy sessions and learned how to deal with specific triggers. Crystal meth really messes up the brain, that is certain. After about 45 days clean, I became extremely depressed, and nothing at all could make me happy.
For the longest time, I had trouble concentrating and remembering things. I couldn’t even make a decision because it was too hard. I was told that some of this would not be able to be reversed, and if it was, it could take a couple of years. I can’t believe that I just fried my brain on dope. What was I thinking? Thinking of that does help with the cravings that I have.
Thank God that I did seek help from Great Oaks. I would not have been able to write this if I hadn’t because I would be dead. This is a fact. Things are getting better for me now. I have put some weight back on, and I look healthy again. I don’t feel as sharp as I once did, but I am getting better and am remembering more. The truth is that treatment gave me my life back, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
Is it tough? Sure, it is, but when it gets tough, I try to remember a time when I was sitting in a run-down trailer that was filthy dirty while I tried to pick invisible bugs off of my body. That is tough, but what I am doing now is working toward a healthy and sober me.